The evening was approaching.
I found myself reflecting on what had happened with Ner and Arwin.
Even when Arwin collapsed and bled, I hadnât helped her up. When Ner pleaded with me, I didnât give her a comforting embrace.
Were those choices truly the right ones? I wondered to myself.
But nothing can change.
I had no intention of abandoning Sien for their sake.
The time I spent with Sien made me happy, and I was eagerly awaiting the birth of our child.
Though nothing would change, I couldnât help but question if leaving them behind had been the wrong decision.
Sien and I were out on a walk in the forest behind our house.
It was the same forest Ner and I used to visit every day.
Sitting quietly beside her, I reminisced about the events of the day.
Sien nudged my cheek with her finger and asked softly.
â...What are you thinking about so deeply?â
ââŠâ
Those were the words I couldnât speak aloud.
In response to my silence, Sien hugged my arm even tighter.
â...Youâve been going through a rough time lately, Bell.â
She whispered.
At her words, I turned my head and asked.
âWhy?â
â...Because youâre struggling.â
â...â
Sien gave a soft laugh and spoke.
â...I just want you to be happy, Bell.â
â...â
â...But it feels like the world is only tormenting you.â
At her words, I gently stroked her hair.
Just hearing her say that gave me immense strength.
I wanted to believe that I could endure this difficult time.
Life wouldnât always be this hard.
At that moment, a loud commotion erupted from the direction of the village.
I didnât know what was happening, but the noise sent my heart plummeting once again.
What other ominous event could be unfolding on top of everything else?
ââŠâ
ââŠâ
Exchanging a glance with Sien, I quickly started walking towards the village.
.
.
.
Baran was entering the village.
They had set out earlier that day to deal with the bandit group.
âWhat happened?â
Gale and I ran over to Baran and asked.
He was covered in more blood than usual, his eyes vacant as he turned to look at me.
ââŠCaptain.â
He blinked slowly.
I knew that look all too well.
It was the look of someone who had experienced loss.
A cold chill ran down my spine.
As much as I didnât want to make distinctions, the death of comrades who had fought beside me in war was always more painful than the death of strangers in the village.
Gritting my teeth, I asked Baran.
â...Who?â
He whispered the name with great difficulty.
â...Itâs Krian.â
Krian, a high-ranking member of the Red Flames group.
He had always been close with Theodore.
As I bit my lip, Krianâs body was dragged into view behind us.
I looked at him, his body battered and bruised, his eyes closed.
Sien gasped softly beside me.
Ner and Arwin, who had also rushed out at the commotion, stood there in stunned silence.
ââŠâ
Slowly, I knelt beside Krian.
ââŠHow did this happen?â
I quietly asked Baran.
âThere was an ambush. A large one.â
âHow many?â
âIâd estimate over fifty.â
âWhat about the enemy?â
ââŠWe killed about half of them, but then we had to retreat. We thought getting Krian treatment was the priorityâŠâ
It seemed Krian had died on the way back to Stockpin.
Once again, I had lost one of my own.
The pressure kept piling up. A suffocating weight crushed my chest.
I placed a hand on Krianâs chest and closed my eyes.
Even my immediate rage was suppressed for now.
This wasnât the time for anger. It wasnât the emotion I needed to feel as I let him go.
I slowly stood up.
Sien came up beside me and held me.
ââŠâ
I gently patted her hand and stepped out of the embrace.
Ner and Arwin were standing a little distance away, silently watching me.
ââŠâ
ââŠâ
Both of them wore expressions of grief deeper than mine.
As I looked at them, I began to walk.
Something inside me was starting to change, bit by bit.
****
In bed, I listened to Sienâs endless words of comfort.
ââŠBell, I know nothing I say can truly console you, butâŠâ
I gently patted her.
âItâs okay, Sien.â
ââŠâ
âCome on, get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow.â
I spoke softly, calming her with words, and closed my eyes, pretending to drift off.
It didnât take long before Sienâs breathing grew soft and steady, signaling she had fallen asleep.
Once I was sure she was deep in slumber⊠I quietly slipped out of bed.
I even grabbed the sword from the corner of the room.
This impulsive act felt like the most natural thing to do.
I moved slowly, leaving the room, then the house.
Thud!
At that moment, two figures burst out, following me.
It was Ner and Arwin.
ââŠWhere are you going?â Ner asked first.
Looking down at the sword in my hand, I realized there was no point in lying.
âIâll be back soon.â
Arwin was the next to speak.
ââŠBerg, donât.â
It seemed she already knew what I intended to do.
Perhaps it was because she had seen the way I used to be during our days as mercenaries.
âYou⊠youâre the lord now. Donât you know how reckless this is? You canât be doing things like this anymoreâŠâ
ââŠâ
I took a deep breath and swallowed hard.
Pressing a hand to my chest, I spoke to them.
ââŠI feel suffocated.â
I turned to face them, revealing my true feelingsâsomething I hadnât done in a long time.
I hadnât been able to tell Sien because I knew how much it would worry her.
âItâs suffocating, being constantly limited. I used to live this way⊠this was my way.â
They said nothing.
ââŠBeing a noble⊠being a lord⊠it stifles me.â
As a noble, the weight of responsibility had grown, while the risks I could afford to take had shrunk.
If I considered the whole domain, I knew that my duty was to stay safe, to lead from a place of security.
But the habits Iâd formed from my time in the slums, and from leading Head Hunter unit, kept clashing with that reality.
If I had gone out alone and wiped out the entire bandit group⊠would Krian still be alive today?
Maybe.
That thought tormented me.
I began to walk again.
Instantly, they both rushed forward, grabbing my arms.
âDonât.â
Arwinâs voice trembled.
âY-you have a child now, Berg. Donât do this.â
Ner, too, brought up the child.
I turned to look at them.
For the first time in a long while, it felt like I was facing them without any walls between us, and a cool breeze swept through my chest.
Oddly enough, once I let go of the desire to push them away, I felt more at ease.
...Of course, nothing had really changed, but still.
â...You both know me.â
They were probably the easiest people in the world to convince.
Even though things had come to this point, Ner and Arwin knew me as well as Sien did.
With just those simple words, Ner and Arwin released my hands.
I turned back around and headed toward the stables.
****
In Stockpinâs territory, around a roaring campfire, Rondil laughed with his surviving comrades.
Todayâs haul wasnât too bad.
Half of their group had been slaughtered by a mere ten members of the Red Flames group, but the remaining 25 men were still a decent force.
At sunrise, they could move on to another territory and continue their banditry.
For now, all they had to do was feast on the stolen food and drink.
âBring more ale!â Rondil shouted to a comrade near the barrels.
He was using the looted goods to drown his frustrations.
Just two years ago, he had been doing fine as a mercenary.
But then, out of nowhere, the hero had slain the Demon King, and as a result, all the mercenaries lost their livelihoods.
Rondil still couldnât understand how his life had changed so drastically, going from living in luxury to this wretched existence in a blink.
He had preferred the world during wartime.
If he thought about it that way, the champions chosen by the gods were his true enemies.
The hero and his comrades, including Acran, the mage Sylphrien, the saintess, and the âWarrior of Solitude,â Berg Reiker.
If it hadnât been for them, he would still be living a good life.
That made todayâs success all the sweeter.
They had rampaged through the territory of the saintess and Berg Reiker.
On top of that, there was a hint of jealousy toward the Red Flames, who had once been in the same mercenary group but had gone on to receive a fief and live comfortably, while Rondil was cast out onto the streets.
He took a long swig of ale and muttered.
âDamn shame. We shouldâve killed more of those bastards. I told you to stay hidden better. If Kraus had taken just a little longer to get caughtâŠâ
A comrade beside him responded.
âAt least Kraus died today. Letâs just leave it at that.â
âLeave it? Like hell. If it wasnât for that screw-up, everyone would still be alive. You think fifty of us couldnât take down ten of them?â
Rondil grumbled, recounting the battle with regret.
But his comrade shuddered, as if chilled by the memory.
ââŠThe Red Flames members were strong, all right. But that Berg guy⊠they say he was on another level. How strong is he really?â
Rondil continued thinking about Berg Reiker.
Heâd heard rumors that Berg had personally taken down close to 200 boss monsters.
As a fellow mercenary, Rondil found that hard to believe.
ââŠHumans always exaggerate their stories. What reason do we have to believe that?â
Thunk. Whoosh!
At that moment, something flew into the fire, sending sparks into the air.
Everyoneâs heads turned toward the sudden disturbance.
But all they saw was darkness.
ââŠWhat was that?â
Rondil raised his head, trying to figure out what had flown into the fire.
ââŠWhat?â
Upon closer inspection, he saw itâa severed wrist lying among the flames.
Crackle!
Every bandit who saw the hand immediately jumped up, grabbing their weapons.
They had posted lookouts, yet not a single warning had come from them.
Rondil, still slightly drunk, scanned the area around him.
If an army had come to kill them, they would have heard it. There had been no sign, no sound of an approaching force.
ââŠC-Come out. Stop hiding like a coward.â
Step⊠stepâŠ
No sooner had he spoken than someone began walking out into the bright light of the campfire.
ââŠThis shouldâve happened from the start.â
The figure spoke.
A moment later, a human revealed himself.
Tall, handsome, with scarred arms⊠and a large gash on his face.
Everything about him pointed to one person.
ââŠBerg⊠ReikerâŠâ
Rondil whispered.
He couldnât believe it.
This man was a lord.
A war hero. There was no reason for him to be here.
ââŠHa⊠Did you come aloneâŠ?â
Rondil, summoning all the courage he had, asked the question.
Berg Reiker turned his gaze toward Rondil.
In the split second Rondil regretted asking, he saw Berg raise his sword in a flash.
âŠAnd that was the last thing Rondil ever remembered.
****
I steadied my ragged breath as I rode back.
I didnât bother with the banditsâ bodies; the wild animals would take care of that.
After putting my body through such a grueling ordeal, my mind felt clearer.
As I thought, this is what suited me best.
No matter how much I was now a lord, hiding behind others wasnât my way.
ââŠFool.â
When I returned to Stockpin, someone was waiting for me, leaning against the wooden palisade.
ââŠâ
It was Gale.
I figured that Ner and Arwin must have gone to him for help after seeing me leave.
ââŠâ
I had nothing to say to him.
I knew I was being reckless.
But this was always how I operated.
And Gale had always hated this about me.
Back when we were mercenaries, he never stopped nagging me about it.
âWhat were you planning to do if youâd died? Did you not think about the child growing inside Sien?â
ââŠWhat are you doing up at this hour, Gale?â
I dismounted my horse as he stood there, arms crossed, waiting for me.
Gale slowly approached, his face filled with concern.
ââŠAre you hurt?â
ââŠJust a few cuts.â novelbuddy.cÏàč
ââŠâ
I moved to head inside, thinking of washing up and lying back down.
âWait.â
Gale stopped me in my tracks.
ââŠ?â
I turned to him, and he spoke with a weight in his voice that I hadnât heard before.
ââŠBefore you go into the village, letâs talk for a bit.â
ââŠâ
His tone and expression were differentâhe was about to bring up something much heavier than usual.
After a brief pause, Gale began.
ââŠBerg, do you know why Iâve stayed here all this time?â
I thought back to the many things Gale had told me and answered.
ââŠWasnât it because of the debt of loyalty you felt toward Adam Hyung?â
Gale nodded.
âYes, that was part of it. But there was another reason.â
ââŠâ
Gale took a deep breath and continued, looking straight at me.
âIt was because of you.â
ââŠBecause of me?â
ââŠAfter Adamâs death, I knew youâd lose your way. Youâre like a discarded swordâuseful, but not a leader. A tool, in a sense.â
ââŠâ
ââŠYouâre not suited to be a leader. A leader must be able to abandon even those he cares about⊠but youâre too attached, too compassionate. Your sense of responsibility is so great that you carry the weight of every death youâve witnessed. Thatâs why you feel more comfortable shouldering it all alone.â
ââŠâ
Galeâs candidness always made his words easy to trust.
And truthfully, I couldnât disagree with what he was saying.
Even Adam Hyung had often told me the same thing, and I had come to realize it myself.
So while I felt a sense of gratitude, I was also puzzled.
ââŠWhy are you telling me this now?â
In response to my fundamental question, Gale placed his hand on my shoulder.
I couldnât quite understand where he was going with this.
âIâm telling you because Iâve finally come to a realization. You⊠youâre not suited for this life. Living like this will only keep you from finding happiness.â
ââŠWhat?â
Galeâs face hardened as he spoke.
ââŠWhat do you think about leaving this place?â
It was just the two of us, under the moonlight, with no one else around to hear.
It didnât feel like a joke.
His eyes, reflecting the moonlight, were filled with deep, sincere thought.
ââŠâ
As I struggled to respond to his unexpected suggestion, he continued to explain.
âYouâve taken on all the burdens that come with being a noble, but you arenât enjoying any of the benefits. Youâre staying here out of obligationâbecause of Adam, because of the Red Flames members. But what about your happiness?â
ââŠâ
ââŠIâm saying this because I care about you. If no one says it, youâll never stop. Youâll continue living this way, unhappily, Berg. You need to leave before that happens.â
ââŠAre you telling me to run away?â
âItâs not running away. Iâm telling you to go and find your happiness.â
Gale whispered a tempting ideaâthat I could cast off all the burdens I was carrying and walk away.
His words made me imagine a life I had not dared to picture before.
A life where I left everything behind and went far away with Sien, living just the two of us.
I didnât need the life of a noble, after all.
Living in peace, somewhere far from here, with my familyâthat would be enough.
ââŠAh.â
In that moment, I remembered an old dream of mine.
A dream I had long forgotten, but now, talking with Gale, it returned to me.
Back then, I had wished for a life free of tension and burden. A peaceful life.
To live quietly with the people I love.
It was a thought Iâd held for so long, a dream derailed by war.
ââŠâ
ââŠWhat do you think, Berg? Iâll take responsibility for this place. I swear on my honor, Iâll care for your people and Adamâs men. You have the chance to leave today. Iâll spread the word that you died in an unexpected confrontation if need be.â
ââŠâ
I closed my eyes for a moment, considering his offer, before sighing and looking back at him.
ââŠI canât.â
âWhatâŠ?â
âThereâs too much I still need to do.â
It was certainly a tempting offer.
I realized again that I was ill-suited for the life of a noble, just as Gale had said.
But there was so much left unfinishedâthe crops werenât yet harvested, the plague was still spreading, and the bandits hadnât been completely dealt with. Adam Hyungâs dream hadnât been realized.
On top of all that, Krund had reappeared.
With the threat of war looming, running away to save myself wasnât in my nature.
Gale spoke again.
ââŠPerhaps Adamâs dream was for you to live happily.â
ââŠâ
I paused, contemplating his words, before gently placing my hand on his shoulder.
ââŠThank you, truly. I appreciate your offer, but I must decline.â
Galeâs expression twisted with frustration.
ââŠHaa.â
He let out a sigh, exasperated.
After a long silence, he spoke again.
ââŠIf thatâs your choice, then Iâll support you to the end.â
â â â The End of The Chapter â â â
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